I have never taken life seriously rather am too much impulsive while taking decisions in my life. Analysis or critical thinking seems to be a total no-no for me. I was and am just a happy-go-lucky next-door girl accepting life the way it was and is. Rudderless was my sail of life at the onset, be it studies/career/marriage/child and the list goes on. The result of it filled my latter life with failure, lack of confidence and a lot of ifs and buts. Sometimes I just wonder if I am a menace to my family. Virtue, wisdom, rationality are all self-acquired intricacies of life that I never could develop. Even now that I want to write about some serious issues, my wandering mind is not letting me do so…Actually, to write something, one either needs to be extremely creative or live that life.
Leave creativity apart, let me take you to those days when I am not working (not really in the true sense of the term cause home-maker job is also equally competitive though it’s less stressed). I quite like my day’s schedule…getting up early for my daughter and gearing her up for school and finally being able to grab out a slot for myself in the early hours of the day, which seemed to be almost impossible while I was a working mom. These days, I make a relaxed (organic ;)) breakfast, lunch and dinner. In fact these days, I have turned out to be an organic mom, wify and a woman altogether (when the concept is so much in, I thought it should be equally applicable for us human beings ;)). Till afternoon, it’s all about my me-time and really so much of it that sometimes I find myself munching in front of that idiot box or perhaps poke my flat nose into social media where at the wink of an eye, two minutes magically stretch to an hour game). Morning finally turns into mid-day and with the arrival of my pre-teen over-enthused daughter, I become an unstoppable open-censored dictionary quenching her thrust (it’s a die-hard situation; I tell you…the x-gen pre-teen puzzlers are so very taxing). It’s about last night only when I was explaining her about reproduction in flowers and I could understand by her nonstop frowns and smiles that she was trying hard to relate it to human reproduction theory while her organic mom was trying to bring her focus back to the related topic under discussion ;)). Evenings are not so cool though as it’s the most competitive part of the day making her sit finally and getting her school tasks done (sometimes even unwillingly participating in all her days’ activity starting from lunch-hour gossips to her crazy PJs, and finally a very small slot for some serious studies).
Well, that seems the end of my not-so well-planned out a day, wherein I have several panic moments carrying the guilt that I am just killing my hay time at home when I could really contribute. But then, I again think of those times, when I used to be intoxicated with stress and anxiety and move around like a live explosive for 5–days a week (weekends were the only motivation) …when I hardly got any for myself or ourselves…
Why can’t sensitive women like me live a guilt-free life? Why do we have to carry the guilt of achieving something at the cost of some other thing? Why can’t there be flexi-hours for working moms or girls? Unlimited holidays (even if it’s unpaid...though I know many blessed and fortunate ones who toiled days and nights unlike me do have. Well, they can keep mum).
Disclaimer: It’s an impromptu attempt flowing out of an inevitable ‘Achilles heel’ of a ‘once-upon a working mom’ ;). Any resemblance might just be a coincidence ;). Don’t feel free to discuss and debate. ;);)
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